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I had real shitty sleep again last night, I couldnapos;t actually fall asleep and when I did it was to wake up a couple hours later feeling even more tired. Then the alarm went off at 6:30 this morning and I wanted to cry lol.

Iapos;m soooo exhausted, I think tonight I might have to take some hollistic sleeping pills my chiropractor gave me. Theyapos;re all natural and are suppose to be better than all the prescribed drugs the doc gives.

Tomorrow Iapos;ll be in Buena Park, for about 5-6 hours for Chrisapos; league cup games. Iapos;m not exactly looking forward to it but oh well, what can I do.

I am dying to see Quarantine, Iapos;m going to try and make it out tonight. Otherwise, itapos;s going to be like all the other movies Iapos;ve sworn to see, Iapos;ll end up having to wait for it to come out on DVD lol.

Itapos;s Friday...woot

Okay, now I know I need to go and attempt to get some sleep, I feel delirious lol.

Happy Friday

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I should probably preface this with a warning.

I am not a happy person. In fact, I run from real happiness. I find comfort in imperfection, and I seek the kind of people who fill that need quite nicely. Iapos;m so awkwardly nihilistic that I have "destroy something beautiful" and "nothing is static" scribbled onto my Converse hi-tops. Anyone who gets that reference should friend me immediately. But, yeah. Iapos;m a broken kid with a majorly fucked up outlook on life, and even close friends who Iapos;ve had for years will go and ask, "well, why donapos;t you just kill yourself?" I suppose I wonapos;t because Iapos;m an artist at heart, and the one thing I want to do with my short time on this planet is create something so haunting and horrifying that people remember me for years after Iapos;m dead. Thatapos;s all I really want, since nothing else you do on this planet means anything. That test you bombed and that job you just lost wonapos;t mean a damn thing, so I just focus on building towards my legacy, because thatapos;s the only way you can become immortal in any real sense of the word.

Now, if I havenapos;t lost you yet, Iapos;ll probably like you. Iapos;m Jamie. Thatapos;s not my given name, but itapos;s what Iapos;d prefer to be called. Once I move to a state where it isnapos;t so insanely expensive to legally change my name, Iapos;m doing it. Art is all I care about in life. Iapos;m going to university for film in the spring (should everything go as planned for once), and ultimately, Iapos;d love to be a major scale artist of every variety. Really, though, my main passion is for music. Iapos;m a bass guitarist, and Iapos;m looking to form this awesome band with some friends of mine in a few short months. Depressing post-punk. I think itapos;ll be pretty sweet.

Whatapos;s in my LJ is more or less just me talking about school, work, shows Iapos;m going to, artistic ventures, and women Iapos;ll inevitably fail with in epic fashion.

Interested? I know Iapos;d be.
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wenta qx trg n act tot it wud b cancelled due to bad weather but....yea :)
coach teaches us how to po man mark n baobao was so hyper today i duno y hahah makes us laugh like mad
did sprinting n abs -.-
first tym in qx trg weapos;re act doin abs?? haahaa oh yea tink my knee capapos;s gettin old..cant stand for long?or was it due to cold weather?but stiu, it wasnt in tis kinda state before. Sigh
ok~ lotsa com comin up...but mostly focusin on the dec game?cos its gg held in spore? -.-"
best luck to mi n best luck to qx n best luck to team spore :))


sat - chilling session , catching up session , drinkin session yeah~


ddt asked mi to commit suicide... Dun miss mi everyone~ (boohoo)

last day of sch tml meaning last week to enjoy to e fullest cos NAT TRG STARTING NXT WEEK meanin im gona b deadlets enjoy many many son hugx

misses =))


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I�now weigh one-hundred and thirty pounds, assuming the clothes I�was wearing at the time grossed one or two pounds. Not a stretch considering theyapos;d been accumulating sweat for the past hour.

This is not attributable to exercise.

Another respiratory illness: sore throat, difficulty breathing, particularly while sleeping.

And Iapos;ve lost my privilege to communicate with her, it seems.

My prayers, and general protection have taken a nose-dive lately, and I am wondering why.

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De walvissen zijn met uitsterven bedreigd door de walvisjacht van de laatste 100 jaar. In de 20e eeuw zijn er meer dan een miljoen walvissen gedood. En nog steeds zijn er landen die, tegen de wil van bijna de hele wereld, op walvissen jagen. Maar ook raakt het leefgebied van walvissen vervuild door veel giftige stoffen die door mensen in de oceanen terecht komen. Ik vind dat dit niet langer door kan gaan, en daarom wil ik hier over vertellen.

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If being feeling-less spares you from the agonies of life, or at least from some of them, would you choose to be one who is feeling-less?

This question has bothered me for years...

sigh...

Why, of all times, all these things have to happen now? Ill-feeling towards ch, the abandonment of responsibilities, being labelled as an ingrate, isolation, broken relationships... Why wHY WHY?

And why do all these things intensifies as time goes by? Not just these, but as the exams are nearing, witnessing of accidents and a suicide case followed. Sigh...

The exam anxieties are enough, why add on fears, worries and even a broken heart?

While on the way back home on the MRT, I was thinking what will happen if an accident occurred to me, if Iapos;m not as fortunate as her, and I�die? A lot came to me, in summary, if I�leave just like that, it will be a life full of regrets.

Relationships that havenapos;t been mended, responsibilities (and in a way, debts) unpaid, gratitudes not shown, dreams unfulfilled... That really shows what a "great" passer-by of the world I�am. I�came with nothing, and leave with nothing, not even a soul saved. Useless life, in a way.

To be fair, I�do appreciate God, my Heavenly Father, for all He has done for me. All the wonders and miracles, awesome friends, surprises, great teachers, revelations on some parts of my past...

At the same time, I�do agree with my ah maapos;s last sms to me.

Now, a useless life, lousy character and weird happenings, yet loved by God. I have no rights to complain much because I�have indeed received much from Him. But I admit, I have countless requests to make, so much so that my last breath would be insufficient to list...
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So I got up at 7:45 this morning and drove Matt and myself to the parking lot by Beaver Stadium. We took the bus to campus, just like we always do. He got off at a stop on College Ave and I got off on Curtin Road by Chambers. I went into the Chambers Building, only to find that the classroom where we normally have E C E 451 was totally empty. No lights, no classmates or teacher. No nothing. This was at 8:55, ten minutes before class usually starts. I had my laptop with me so I checked my e-mail. No e-mails from the teacher or from anyone else in the class. I attended last weekapos;s class, and she didnapos;t say anything. Even if she had and I forgot or wasnapos;t there, she should have at least sent an e-mail to remind us all. Unless I was the only one in the class to not get the e-mail...I guess we donapos;t have class today.

In other news, I am scheduled for work tonight. Nooooooo. And Friday and Saturday nights. I totally HATE working weekend nights. Itapos;s really annoying because, like I said before, I miss half the social events on campus. Meaning, parties and going downtown. I love downtown. There are tons of shops and places to eat. We can never run out of things to do.

I am currently working on my short story, sitting at a little cafe table outside a lounge in Waring Commons. My soc class starts in room 129 at 12:20. So you see, I have plenty of time. I just wish I could have slept in a bit more
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